babies were throwing up all over the place
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
