I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
