moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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