Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
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