that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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