You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
