It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
