she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
i need some magic done to my vagina
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
