do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
