I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
