Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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