as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
