I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
