im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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