I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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