Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
