C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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