i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
