I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
