i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
