So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
