I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I party with great urgency now.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
