I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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