Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.