She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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