Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
