You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
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