A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
