I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
