the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Drunk is a universal language darling
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Randomize
