Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I think i got beer on your cat.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
