I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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