well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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