That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
