OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
