U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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