If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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