Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
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