What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize
