I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Randomize
