The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
