i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
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It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
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Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
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