a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I forgot how hot balto sounded
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.