dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
why do cheetos always look like penises
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.