Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
27 People Confess The Worst Jobs They’ve Ever Had
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
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hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions