I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
