The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
