i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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