my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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