Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
