So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
