Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
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