i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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