It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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