my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
