Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
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