I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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