So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
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I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
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I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better