my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
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An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
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I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.