he told me I talked like a deaf person
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
