Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
