a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
