highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
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She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
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I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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