Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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