i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
