Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
