party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
