She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Randomize
