Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
