I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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