btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
never play flip cup with pint glasses
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
