I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Randomize
